Sat at work rosy-cheeked and puffy-eyed! I needed a way to let out the way I am feeling. Here goes!
I'm not feeling my best self. Lately, I hate the way I look! Feeling very tired and run down, snap at everyone and the littlest of things make me cry. I have adult style tantrums more than I would like to admit to. I feel for Dan & my girls. I really do. I don't mean to be like this, and I don't even know why I fall apart emotionally! But I do love them all very much, even if it doesn't seem so at times.
My mum is having a tough time at the moment with illness (renal failure) and is in and out of the hospital. Living away from her is the hardest thing ever when you have to hear your mum on the phone upset and fed up. That feeling of hopelessness! I don't even drive! And I have no relatives in Harrogate who I can catch a lift to the hospital with- I am feeling super shity! Feeling guilty that I can't go and visit every day and do my bit to help out my Dad and three younger sisters, I get how hard it is for them. But at the same time, I worry they think I don't care because I'm not there, but it's hard!
Money has been tight for the last few months due to an unexpected move in July. Joys of renting the landlords decided to sell. Moving costs a lot of money! Credit check fees £120 each for me and Dan we even had to pay a pet license fee for Lexi £50, one month's rent in advance for the new place £875 and rent in the old house £875, a deposit of £1'200 and not to mention the £400+ for the removal men and boxes! and then Christmas, it's taken some time to get back on track with the new daily bank fees for being overdrawn! "I HATE YOU HALIFAX" The £1.00 a day overdraft charge was manageable. The cost of 1p for every £7 that your overdrawn is making lot's of people struggle. 1p doesn't sound a lot, but for somebody who is over £1'000+ will be sending them even more overdrawn, I believe many banks are doing this now.
We have the girls birthdays coming up in April, May, and June, Car service MOT in May! Whatever next! Being a grown-up is hard work. Sometimes I wish I could work part-time, to be on top of all the at-home bits and feel my best self, but I can't, financially I have to work. Dan is fantastic and the main breadwinner in our household. He cooks tea every night does all the pack ups ready for the morning. He takes the girls to school on a morning and then comes and picks me up outside Kayleigh's school, and then we head to work. He pays all of our bills; I have no idea what gets paid to who and when! If he decided to leave me tomorrow, I would be stuffed! ha
Struggling to switch off on a night, I think this is just due to so much going on at once. The older girls are still not helping out, I don't want them to turn into my little slaves, and at my beck and call, I just think they're old enough to help out around the house. They live here too!
Every day is like groundhog day work, cleaning, sleep! So is it too early to put in a request to Santa? I want a cleaning fairy, pretty please, with a cherry on top...
I am 100% ready for my week off next week. I am going to try and relax a little bit! Spend some time with my little people. Saturday, I may even just stay in my bed and binge watch TV and rest!!
Now I need to go for a Big Bubble Hug! Lush - Comforter is my go-to when I am in a funk!