It is mental health awareness month; I thought I would share my battle I have every day with body confidence. I am currently struggling with my feelings about the way I look; I have always struggled with my weight and my attitude towards myself. Every year around this time of year I feel the same, I love the warmer weather and sunshine, but with that comes less clothing and a little more flesh on display. I am the type of person in 29-degree heat who is kitted out head to toe in black or always wearing a cardigan. I hate having my bare arms on display and my legs! I avoid looking at myself in the mirror; I hate having my photograph taken and seeing pictures of myself.
I often choose not to shower in our family bathroom because when I am standing in the shower, I can see myself in the mirror across from the bath, I have worked out if I hang my towel over the shower screen I can’t see my reflection. I am tired of hating myself; I am tired of being unkind to myself, I wouldn’t dream of treating anyone how I treat myself. I have lost count of how many times a day I have called myself an ugly fat cow.
I have recently started a new job and thought this was an opportunity for change, new clothes and shoes for my fresh new start. The last few weeks I have ordered so much stuff, and yet I have only kept one thing! A striped blouse and returned everything else, Such a complete waste of time, I got nowhere! I do hate clothes shopping for myself, and I have this terrible habit of buying clothes that are too big and shapeless which in the end is just making me look a lot bigger than I am. But this is the comfort zone for me - I try hiding under these loose bits of cloth to make myself feel better about myself! It makes me feel worse!
I am tired of hating the way I look; I would like to be comfortable and happy with who I am, not being that woman who is always on a diet but can never stick to it from one day to the next. I want to be happy and comfortable with me- all of ME!
I follow some fantastic bloggers; they have also been talking about this over the last few weeks. It has got me thinking making me realise that feeling good about yourself should be more than just the clothes you are wearing. I shouldn't give a hoot what other people think, (which it is likely to be in my head) people don't care if I get my bigger upper bingo wings out or my chubby legs. It's just me! I need to accept the way I look! People do come in different shapes and sizes! That is the message I want to give my girls; I don’t want them ever to be worried about how they look or feel they have to look a certain way to fit into society